LOBSTER SALAD Last Saturday night I was invited By an old time friend of mine                To eat his lobster salad, and drink his beer and wine. We drank a toast onto each other Until the hour of  two          My head was a kind of shaky and my legs were shaky too. But anyway, I started home. I think my prayers I said          But anyhow I was paralyzed when I got into bed I dreamt I died and went to Heaven and met St. Peter at the gate        And found repentance for me was abit too late. ‘You go out' St. Peter said ‘You know you can't come in         You know you have to suffer for that awful glutinous sin'. Just then I turned away To hide my grief and shame           I saw St. Peter's clerk write ‘lost' above my name The next that came was a Hebrew a friend whom I knew well    And I listened to the story that he had to tell. ‘Oh goodly Father Peter I come to you at last              The one request I'll make of you is that You'll let me pass'. On earth I kept a clothing store My clothes were good and strong            Just let me show you an overcoat I've had for very long. ‘You go out', St. Peter said "And very well you know                 There's little use for overcoats in the place you have to go.' The next that came was an old maid She was bound to have her say          She addressed St. Peter in a peculiar sort of way. ‘O goodly Father Peter I come to you at last             One request I ask of you if you would let me pass. Oh Blessed Father Peter Won't you let me in          and give me a nice little place to myself away from the naughty men.' ‘You go out,' St. Peter said ‘No angels have gray hair           You have no sons or daughters so you cannot come in here.' The poor old maid she turned away Forever to repine            Like me and all the rest of us, she took her place in line. The next day that came was Paddy The son of old Erin's Isle           and he addressed St. Peter with a loving, gracious smile ‘Is this yourself, St. Peter You're looking so nice and sweet             Open the door and let me come in and show me to my seat.' ‘No my boy, your case like the rest Must be tried           You got to show a pass for it before you get inside.' ‘Hurry up, St. Peter Or for supper I'll be late.'             He then took off his old slough hat and threw it inside the gate. ‘Go get that hat,' St. Peter said ‘You sacrilegious slouch'      Pat walked in and shut the gate and locked St.Peter out. Through the keyhole Paddy cried ‘I'm skipper now you see              I'll give up the key, St.Peter, if you'll set old Ireland free.'   Now when I awake, my head was jammed Between the bed and wall         My feet were tanglerd in the sheets; and lobsters done it all.